The New Scar on My Soul

Reprinted from The American Thinker By anonymous My soul carries a new scar.  The pain is fresh and keen, and I know that while time might see the pain fade, I will never fully recover from what I've seen, and done.  For I have failed, intentionally and knowingly, in the first duty of a parent: protecting the lives of two of my children. My wife and I wanted children; alas, we needed IVF treatment to realize this dream.  Several cycles and multiple embryo implantations later, we welcomed our blessing from G-d, who is the light of our lives. Recently, we tried for another. "It never rains, but it pours," said the fertility doctor -- of the three embryos that were implanted, all three took.  We were faced with the news of triplets.  I was shocked, knowing the burden that would entail, but since G-d gave us three, I was prepared to do whatever I needed to do to help, manage, and provide. My wife?  Something snapped.  She insisted that we do a "selective reduction" from three to one, or else she would have a full abortion.  She was adamant.  She would not carry three.  She would not carry two. I was presented with a Coventry-esque decision: save one, or save none.  I chose the former, though I tried on several occasions to convince her to at least keep twins.  I failed. We were told, point-blank, by the doctor who would do the procedure that they would inject potassium chloride into the placenta to stop the hearts.  We were told, point-blank, that it was painless.  Even then, I knew I was being lied to, but given the choice presented, I agreed anyway.  My mantra became "Save one, or save none." Before the procedure, my wife's eyes teared up; she asked the doctor over and over if they would feel pain, and was assured they would not.  I asked again if my wife was sure about this because once done, it could not be undone.  She said she was sure, but her tears and her looking away from the screen, deliberately, and her wanting me to not look either, told me the truth: she knew as well that this was wrong.  I wanted to insist that she look, but I think that her mind -- already fractured by the news of triplets -- would have snapped permanently had she seen the images onscreen.  And to save the one, and for the sake of the one we already had, I needed my wife sane. My wife didn't look, but I had to.  I had to know what would happen to my children.  I had to know how they would die. Each retreated, pushing away, as the needle entered the amniotic sac.  They did not inject into the placenta, but directly into each child's torso.  Each one crumpled as the needle pierced the body.  I saw the heart stop in the first, and mine almost did, too.  The other's heart fought, but ten minutes later they looked again, and it too had ceased. The doctors had the gall to call the potassium chloride, the chemical that stopped children's hearts, "medicine."  I wanted to ask what they were trying cure -- life?  But bitter words would not undo what had happened.  I swallowed anything I might have said. I know they felt pain.  I know they felt panic.  And I know this was murder.  I take cold comfort in knowing that as far as we can tell, the survivor is still fine, and in knowing that this decision did not come from me; I would have taken the chance on triplets, even with all the work and effort it would have required.  I pray that this one child will come to term, will be born into this world alive and healthy, and I know he or she will have all our love. But that emotional scar will ache my whole life.  I see my child's smile every night and anticipate a new one in some months...but I think of the two smiles I will never see.  Every day, returning from work, I hear "Hi Daddy!" and know there are two voices and two giggles that I will never hear.  I play with and cuddle my child, looking forward to the same with the second...but I know there are two sets of hands that will never touch mine, two sets of toes that will never be counted, two hugs that will forever be absent from my arms. I pray to G-d every day to take those two innocents to Him, to welcome them, and I ask them every day for forgiveness.  As I will every day for the rest of my life.  I don't know what accommodation my wife will make mentally and spiritually.  That is her business, and a burden her conscience must bear. But let nobody fool you.  It is not painless for the child, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.  Abortion is not an excision of a featureless bunch of cells; it is infanticide.  We have revived the practice of child sacrifice to the new deities of casual sex and convenience.  We rationalize the reality of murder by altering our perspective of the nascent life through euphemisms like "fetus" or descriptions of "a clump of cells"...just like the Nazis convinced themselves that the people screaming as they were shot or gassed were "Untermenchen," subhuman, and therefore guiltlessly exterminated. This is how every perpetrator of genocide has always rationalized his or her actions.  By doing likewise, we condemn our own souls I wept in joy, a few years ago, when I saw my first child's heartbeat on the screen.  And I weep in agony now at the memory of two of my children's heartbeats being stilled.  "Save one, or save none" has been eclipsed by "Out, out, damned spot!" as I wonder how I can redeem myself. If, by baring this scar for others to see, I can prevent an abortion, perhaps that will help to balance the scales for when I face G-d's justice and I finally meet those two children -- who I hope will forgive me for my failure. The author's name has been withheld by request.

40 Days for Life -- It's Working!

A Message from Shawn Carney, 40 Days for Life:


I just returned from events celebrating the closure of
two Planned Parenthood abortion centers in Iowa --
praise God!

Since this spring's campaign features peaceful vigils
at 121 Planned Parenthood facilities -- almost half of
the total number of sites -- there are few things you
probably should know.

For starters, Planned Parenthood is the leading
abortion chain in the United States, doing around
330,000 abortions EVERY year. They do this with while
taking in upwards of $400 million in YOUR tax money.

But Planned Parenthood is worried. Last year, for the
first time in 16 years, their abortion numbers went
DOWN. Fewer abortions equal fewer dollars. And Planned
Parenthood is a business.

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PLATTSBURGH, NEW YORK
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For one thing, Planned Parenthood doesn't want you to
know that it runs abortion centers. Their PR campaigns
focus on "women's health." That's a reference to
abortion -- but they avoid the actual word.

Nancy tells a typical story. A man approached her at
the 40 Days for Life vigil and asked what the prayer
volunteers were doing.

"He was shocked," she said. "He didn't know they did
abortions at Planned Parenthood." The man then said
he would invite his pastor to come pray. Once he knew
what Planned Parenthood was really all about, it made
quite an impression.

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VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA
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Planned Parenthood created a media event to protest
proposed state legislation. The spot they picked was
outside the Planned Parenthood abortion center where
the 40 Days for Life vigil is under way. The media
arrived -- and interviewed both pro-Planned Parenthood
demonstrators and 40 Days for Life vigil participants.

But immediately after reporters got their interviews,
the pro-abortion demonstrators packed up and left,
admitting this was a one-time-only appearance. That's
fairly typical. When the cameras go away, so do they.
But the 40 Days for Life prayer volunteers remained --
and will continue to be there.

To see some pictures of this event in Virginia Beach,
please go to:

http://40daysforlife.com/blog/?p=2814

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COLUMBIA, MISSOURI
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We've already heard from campaigns like the one in
Columbia, where Planned Parenthood's "pledge a picket"
campaign has already been launched -- and that is a
good sign. It means business is off and they want you
to go home.

"Pledge a picket" asks Planned Parenthood supporters
to pledge money for each "picketer" (that's you) on
its sidewalk. They try to say that YOU are raising
money for them. This, of course, is simply not true.

"Pledge a picket" is Planned Parenthood's highest
award to an effective 40 Days for Life campaign,
so stay and keep praying!

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THE 3% DECEPTION
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The most popular Planned Parenthood talking point these
days is that abortion is only 3% of their total services.

This creative use of statistics understates the
importance of abortion to the bottom line. It treats
birth control prescriptions, HIV tests and abortion as
equal when counting the number of "services."

Researchers who've studied Planned Parenthood's own
reports estimate that abortion accounts for 40 to 50
percent of total clinic income. This is why Planned
Parenthood is so protective of abortion -- and trying
relentlessly to increase the numbers.

Please keep these things in mind as you pray and fast
for an end to abortion.

Today's devotional is from Carmen Pate, a member of
the 40 Days for Life board of directors.

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DAY 12 INTENTION
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Pray to God who is able to do immeasurably more than
all we ask or imagine, to end abortion in America.

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SCRIPTURE
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Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly
above all that we ask or think, according to the power
that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by
Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.
Amen.

-- Ephesians 3:20-21

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REFLECTION by Carmen Pate, 40 Days for Life
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God's power working in and through His people is
unlimited and far beyond our comprehension when we
submit to God's Word and Spirit. He receives glory
when we are obedient to His calling and faithfully
serve Him in His strength.

Consider God's hand of providence on this nation
because of the faithfulness of a few who were totally
committed to God and His truths.

It is interesting to note the words of Mother Teresa
of Calcutta: "Yours is the one great nation in all
history which was founded on the precept of equal
rights and respect for all humankind, for the poorest
and weakest of us as well as the richest and
strongest."

Mother Teresa, in addressing the Supreme Court of the
United States said, "Human rights are not a privilege
conferred by government. They are every human being's
entitlement by virtue of his humanity. I have no new
teaching for America. I seek only to recall you to
faithfulness to what you once taught the world.

She continued, "Your nation was founded on the
proposition very old as a moral precept, but startling
and innovative as a political insight that human life
is a gift of immeasurable worth, and that it deserves,
always and everywhere, to be treated with the utmost
dignity and respect."

It is time to restore that dignity and respect. Our
God is able. Are we willing to remain faithful until
His work through us is done?

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PRAYER
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God Almighty, Who is powerful and willing to supply,
our hearts cry in unison for You to restore dignity
and respect to human life, not only in America, but
around the world.

Lord, may our hearts remain faithful to your calling,
and may You begin Your transforming work with me.

Keep me ever mindful that with You Lord, nothing is
impossible; without You, I can do nothing. To You be
glory forever and ever, Amen.

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PRINTABLE DEVOTIONAL
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To download today's devotional as a formatted,
printable PDF to share with friends:

http://40daysforlife.com/docs/spring2012day12print.pdf

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Yours for Life,

Shawn Carney
Campaign Director
40 Days for Life

PS: If you have stories to share about your own
involvement in this 40 Days for Life campaign,
please respond at the bottom of today's blog entry:

http://40daysforlife.com/blog/?p=2814